Being An Empath

I have been reading the book, "The Highly Sensitive Child" hoping to gain a little bit of insight into my sweet little girl.

I think that being highly sensitive is a gift in so many ways. I too am highly sensitive and learning about what that means has helped me so much in life.

A few years ago I discovered that I am an "Empath" or Empathetic for those that aren't down with labels.

I never understood why I could be around someone negative and almost instantly end up in a bad mood. I am very in tune with other people's feelings and this has helped me so much as a Doula.

I think that discovering that there is a name for what I have experienced my whole life has been really helpful to me. No, I'm not psychic, and can't read minds. ;) But I can read others feelings. I have no idea how or why or how this works. I can tell how someone is feeling within moments of being around them or sometimes from reading a post or email from them.

I have come to realize that it is a really amazing gift that I am so grateful for. As a little girl I just thought that is how everyone was. I didn't know that the way I could feel others emotions wasn't something that everyone could do. It just was.

Tiff also has this gift, although it can be really painful for her. She reads me like a book and even if I am slightly annoyed with something, she knows and asks me repeatedly if I am mad at her. I hug her and tell her that I am not, but she can feel what I am feeling so strongly that I find myself explaining a lot to her that the other kids don't even notice or care to hear about. I'm learning to help her understand her "sensitivity" in every sense of the word, but it is hard sometimes because I only learned about my own a few years ago. I guess you could say that we are learning together.

Tiff's sensitivity is a gift but as I know, it can be a lot for a little girl to feel all at once sometimes. As her partner in life, I will always be by her side to help her understand *Who She Is* and to explain how to separate her feelings from others. I know that some of the most influential people in the World have also been "Empaths". I have learned to embrace this about myself and I am helping my daughter to also.

Loving Gazes

I took this picture today of Orion and Joe having a special moment together. I looked over just in time to catch them gazing at each other lovingly. It was a very sweet moment in time that seemed to go on forever.

Seeing Joe with our children makes me fall in love with him over and over again. He is such a loving, connected father. I feel so grateful for our family and all of the time we have together every single day.

Devin Asks and Receives

Last week Devin went kayaking with his grandparents. He had such a wonderful time. At home that night he said that he wanted to get a kayak of his very own. I told him he could totally have one.

I reminded him to feel what it would be like to own one. I said to picture himself paddling around the lake with his own kayak. I shared that he only has to feel good and *Know* it will come to him. I shared that he doesn't have to know how he will get one, just know he will and the Universe will line everything up for him perfectly.

Well, less than a week later.....

I was driving by a yard sale and saw his kayak. I pulled in and asked how much it was. They told me it was only $25! I drove home, told Devin about it, and he screamed with delight! He took out the $40 he had saved and gave Joe $25. We told him we would pay for it for him, but he said, "No Thanks". Joe drove and picked it up for him from the yard sale down the street.

Now, most parents may have said something like, "oh... those are so expensive! Someday you can get one....save your money..." with negative, doubting energy behind their words when their kids said they wanted a kayak. Or something like, "When your older you can get one", or a number of other things that would interfere with a child lining up with their desire. A child may not have ever thought it was possible to own one due to the parents doubts or fears.

Living this life means we are our kids partners in all that they do in life and all that they dream. I know anything is possible for my children. They can have whatever they want in life and I can help them move closer or further away from their dreams and passions. I choose to help them move closer.

I knew Devin would get his kayak soon. I didn't know it would be less than a week though! Devin is a very powerful creator and I am proud to help him line up with his desires.

Here is Devin with his newly manifested kayak. He's so happy that he bought it himself too!

Yes, Life Rocks for him and for all of us on this path.

My Day of Beauty.... with Baby

Today I packed up Orion and we hit the road for a day of beauty. Being an attached Mama doesn't mean that I can't pamper myself and do things that make me feel beautiful.
First I went for a Pedicure at a local spa. When I walked in with a baby I did get a few odd looks. I saw the two receptionists whispering to one another. I just stood there and smiled joyfully waiting for my appointment.

When the Pedicurist came out, I said, "We're ready!" She looked a bit perplexed and looked around, I am assuming to look for the person she thought I was going to hand Orion to. I picked out the reddest-red nail polish and sat down to soak my feet and turned on the massage chair. I lifted my shirt and latched on my little man. There we sat, enjoying the soft music and relaxing atmosphere. I leaned back and sipped delicious coffee. I kissed Orion's head, took a deep relaxing breath and enjoyed my pedicure.

When the pedicure was over I asked the women if she had ever given a woman a pedicure that had a baby with her. Her reply was, "No, but I would again! It was really beautiful to watch you with your son. I wouldn't have thought it was possible!"

After my pedicure I got my haircut and had my eyebrows waxed. Then Orion and I went bra shopping with him smiling in the sling. Ahhhh. It was a great day!

Having 3 kids and an attached baby doesn't mean that I can't enjoy taking care of myself in this way. It was so cool to bring Orion along today for my day of pampering. I was more relaxed and I enjoyed every minute of it because of those awesome hormones released while breastfeeding and having Orion on me throughout my day, just like he is at home.

Here is a picture of me with my new haircut. I love it!

I will never forget my special day with my little guy today. I feel so recharged and ready for our upcoming trip to Texas!

The Girls First Haircuts

Dakota has never been comfortable having anyone but me cut her hair. She is almost 7 and we have honored that about her always. I don't mind cutting the girls hair, but it isn't easy. I have a hard time cutting it even. I have done my best however since they were tiny.

Yesterday Dakota told us that she wanted her haircut when Devin got his cut from our friend Denice who has a hair salon at her home. Once she said that, Ivy said she did too!

So we visited Denice yesterday morning and one by one the kids got their hair trimmed.

Here is Dakota (a/k/a Tiff) after Denice washed her hair. The kids loved the experience so much. Their hair looks fabulous and the girls felt so special and enjoyed the process so much.

I am so happy that I have never forced or coerced any of my kids to get their haircut against their will. In honoring their wishes, something amazing came out of it. Dakota and Ivy's first haircuts were a rite of passage for them. In honoring when our children are ready in their own time we are giving them such a gift. To my daughters, this was a really big deal and it was their choice. Having someone wash their hair and ask them how they would like it cut, and then watch themselves in the mirror was so special and something that they will never, ever forget.

Here is Dakota after Denice washed her hair and right before her haircut. She felt so beautiful! I loved watching her smile and sparkle in the chair as she talked to Denice about what she wanted.

Powerful Creators

Living the Law of Attraction for 2 years has been a life changing journey for us. We have learned that whatever we want in life we can have, whether it is material or non-material. The kids have learned about this right along with us and they always get what they want, always. They have vision boards and on them they put things or places or people that they would like to come into their lives. They are not surprised when the Universe delivers. They know that they are worthy of all they desire in life.

We wanted another computer for our living room space so we would have three. With the kids getting older, we have 5 computer users and we want a network. We put out the intention, talked about it, felt owning it, and a few days later Joe found one that a friend was giving away.

I really wanted a comfortable chair for it, but knew I didn't want to buy one. I set the intention that we would have one within a couple of days and of course, ...... we did! Joe found one next to a dumpster, still in the box, never used. Amazing huh! We always say that we are very powerful creators! We have so much fun with it too.

Thanks again Universe for delivering just what we ordered. You rock!

Here Joe is with Ivy as they put the last screw in our newly manifested computer chair.

Auntie Sarah & Uncle Chris

Recently Joe's sister Sarah and her boyfriend Chris got engaged! Sarah took part in her first triathalon , which she really enjoyed. Anything athletic has always made Sarah shine.. Track has always been one of her passions. We were so proud of her taking on a triathalon!

At the finish line Chris was there waiting to suprise her with a ring and asked her to marry him. She said YES! and we are so happy for them! Chris is such a wonderful guy and we are honored to have him part of our family.

The kids are all so excited for their wedding next year!! They have never been to one and are already counting down the days. Here is a picture of this unique engagement.

Facial Reconstruction Fun

Devin and Joe love the show CSI. Devin finds Forensic Science so interesting and he has learned so much from the show. I suprised the guys with a CSI Forensic Facial Reconstruction Kit that I recently picked up.

Devin had so much fun with it and we were all so intrigued. I love facilitating my families learning by searching for activities and ideas that are connected with their present interests.

Kayaking Dude and Our $10 Day

Devin had a great day today kayaking with Joe's parents. They had a special day together exploring a lake where they saw 3 turtles and ate tons of wild blueberries. The girls and I hit a few yard sales and had a really nice day together in our area Staycationing (this is when you act like tourists where you live).

We took $10 with us and you wouldn't believe all that we did with only 10 bucks! The girls got many new toys at yard sales, we hit a craft fair where they had a huge jumping castle and inflatable giant slides, then we went to a farm where the girls fed the goats and sheep then we hit the McD's drive through and got 3 sundaes from the dollar menu for a buck each! It is amazing how if you only bring cash you can really make it stretch and get the most for your money!

One of the things we got at a yard sale was a game called, "Pretty, Pretty Princess". Here are the girls and I playing our new game while Devin was Kayaking all day.

We're Getting Close!

We are leaving for Texas in just 10 days!! Joe and I are presenters at the Rethinking Education Conference in Dallas. We are all flying from Boston to Dallas on Sept. 3rd for a week. We are all so excited for this event! I have been planning my discussions down to the last detail and we have been checking out the local area for activities. Devin was sitting with me this morning and I was reading all of the sessions to him. He is interested in the "Stop Animation" and the "Extreme Invention" sessions.

Also, on Sunday at the Conference I will be live on Relaxed Homeschool Radio hosting a "Live From the Conference" radio talk at 9am. Very cool stuff!

Devin's New Passion

After being refunded for the gymnastics class, I signed Devin up for a climbing class. He absolutely loved it! He can't wait to go back. He was a natural and the teacher was really laid back and respectful of him. He didn't talk down to him like the gymnastics teacher did.

Devin was half way up the wall yesterday when he said, "I love this!" He learned how to tie knots and how to get on his gear as well as learning to climb.

It was so awesome to see a new passion beginning with him. I love his energy when he discovers something new that makes him sparkle. My son is so inspiring to me!

Exploring the Beach

My good friend Liza and her son, and Devin's best friend, Liam joined us at the beach the other day. Everyone had so much fun exploring and collecting snails and crabs. It was a gorgeous day and Liza and I enjoyed relaxing in the sun talking and eating yummy food. I love these times with my friend when our kids are having so much fun together and we can connect with one another and talk fashion and healthy living. Liza and I have been friends for 8 years and and I am so grateful to have her in my life.

One thing I love about Liza is how thoughtful she is. She brought me a tube of her favorite tinted moisturizer because she knew I would love it. She was right! It is amazing stuff!!

Jam Thumbprint Cookies

This morning the kids and I were in a baking mood. We made Jam Thumbprint cookies and used the Raspberry Jam that we made for the filling. Joe and Pat (the cool guy that we have work for us) absolutely loved them with their afternoon coffee.

Pat says he loves working for us and that he feels so "free" and respected here. I love that he feels that way. We so appreciate having him part of the Willow Toys family.

Reptile Love

Tiff loves snakes and any kind of reptile. When we went to Florida one of her favorite aspects was all the different lizards running around. Here at home she catches little creatures all the time. Today she found a tiny snake outside in the field.

Here she is sparkling with Joy enjoying one of her passions. I just love her so much.

Ivy's Love Tree

Ivy and I did a little project this morning. We do different projects almost every day. She loves to create together. We have a large, organized selection of crafting materials and she loves to pick and choose what to do with me.

I do not often share our projects, but today I wanted to because it was just so sweet.

I asked Ivy if she wanted to make a Love Tree. We went outside and she picked out a little branch. I sewed a few little hearts out of red felt and stuffed them. Then I shared with her that she could put the name on a heart of everyone she loved.

The very first name she told me to write was her own, "Ivy". I absolutely love that she thought of herself first as someone to put on her Love Tree.

Involved Dads Rock!

Nothing melts my heart more than watching Joe with his daughters. When I watch him brush their hair and help them pick out clothes, well it is something I am just so grateful for.

Our Unschooling United group really wants to work it out so that the Dads can come to all of our planned activities. This is very unique to any homeschooling group that I have ever been part of.. I love it! All of our families are great friends, not just the Moms and kids.... the Dads too and everyone plays an integral part in our growing network. By having fathers involved in our group we are so balanced both physically and energetically.

Fish Pie

Today I took my father out to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. It was so nice and relaxing. It was just my Dad, myself and Orion. We talked, laughed and ate nachos and sipped margarita's. My father enjoyed many cuddles with his "favorite" grandchild. (Orion looks exactly like my Dad did as a baby so we joke around that he's my Dads "favorite".)

My Dad has a house in New Hampshire and also a home in the Everglades of Florida.

In February I am speaking at a conference in Orlando and before my speaking engagement we are going to spend a couple of days at his house. He is going to take us on a fan boat to check out alligators and the local wildlife. Devin can't wait! He also has a pool and fishing boat, so we are planning a really great trip to spend some time with Grampa Veno and Grammy Cheryl.

My Dad loves anything to do with the ocean and fish. I surprised him during our special lunch with this apple pie that I made. He loves to have apple pie for breakfast with slices of American cheese. I went with the theme of the pie and cut him out enough fish-shaped slices of cheese for each slice of pie.

I am so grateful to have a great relationship with my father. I look forward to all of the fun things we will do together in the future.

Pushing Through Fear to Trust

Pushing through fear and moving toward trust is a very important aspect of this life we choose to live with our kids. Most of us were raised in a time in human history where we were controlled by fear-inducing tactics from teachers and caregivers. Worst case scenarios were focused on and used to fear us to do what someone else wanted. Think back, I know you can remember just a few instances when this was true. Fear is a tool used to motivate others to do what you want.... and it works really well in doing just that! Mainstream parenting promotes this "tool" to control our kids to meet our needs. Kids believe what their parents say and treat their words as fact and it becomes their Neuro-association with whatever is being connecting with that fear. It becomes part of them.

Using fear to motivate isn't without it's life altering side effects. This is why I choose to move away from this kind of easy tactic with my own children. Those side-effects being us as adults having to get over little nibblets of fear sprinkled throughout our days with our kids. It takes work and effort to get over the fears instilled in us when we were children.

I thought of posting this as the girls were making breakfast this morning. I had those knee-jerk worst case scenario fears whispering at me for the first few minutes of them using very hot pans but I told that voice to shut the hell up so I could allow the voice of *Trust* to sing to me.
Do you know the side effect of trust rather than fear?

Fear = neurotic, irrational fears that plague you for the rest of your life, stunted growth, stunted learning

Trust = Connection with caregiver, amazing confidence, emotional growth, natural learning

Tiff and Ivy just love making breakfast. They make it for the whole family almost everyday.
Devin isn't so much into it right now. He loves to eat though! We are all about big breakfasts here. From pancakes to eggs, to french toast to oatmeal with fruit.. I love to watch them, with confidence create in the kitchen, with me by their sides to support them and give them information, not to control them with fear. In turn they are better cooks that I was at 21 years old. Really! They are gonna just kick ass in the kitchen when they are older because of all of their experience. I am so happy that this passion is able to blossom in my kids.

Must I say it again? Yup.... this life rocks!

Generic Organic

It's wonderful when you find a way to meet every one's needs in the family in that one more, small way. After all, those little tweaks add up in time to create more harmony within a home.

Joe is all about frugality and buying generic and in bulk. I'm all about organic and healthy choices. So, as you can imagine, it has been challenging to find a common ground when it comes to grocery shopping. We take turns going and usually come home with vastly different things. When we need our cabinets filled Joe goes to stock us up. I usually come home and fill the fridge with fresh fruits and veggies.

I was ecstatic to discover that our local grocery store now carries Generic Organic choices... even in bulk! Today, two worlds collide to create more peace in the Martin home. I love how this journey of connection never ends! It is a place of striving for more and more of what we want out of life.

This morning a sat in bliss sipping my Organic coffee. Knowing both of our goals were being met simultaneously felt so amazing! Compromise Rocks!

Devin's First Gymnastics Class

Devin told me last week that he wanted to take a gymnastics class. I found one and signed him up. Yesterday was his first class. He was so excited!

When we got there he walked right up to the teacher stuck out his arm for a handshake and said, "Hi, My name is Devin Martin" The teacher looked so suprised. She intriduced herself and Devin said, "Nice to meet you." I laughed to myself when I saw the teachers smile and was in awe at the same time, that he was so confident and so sure of himself in new situations.

The class started with stretches and led into forward and backwards rolls, then handstands, then balance-beam work. It looked so amazing and so fun! When we were walking to the car I asked, "So... how'd you like your first class babe?" he said, "I hated it! It was lame and boring and not at all what I thought".

Now, the beauty of living a respectful, connected life with our kids means also living in non-judgement. It was fine with me that he didn't want to go back. We don't live by the belief that we need to "finish what we start" by someone else's standards or ideas. We do finish what we start, but it is by our own time-table and schedule. We are finished when we are done. Period. Also, I hear so often that parents make their kids stay in classes where they are not happy because of the money. Well, there is usually always a way to get refunded or to roll the money over into another class. Money would never be a reason why I would make my child stay in a class where they weren't happy. My kids feelings are way more important than money.

I saw this as such a great thing! Devin tried something new and learned that he didn't want to do it again. But the cooler thing still was that on the way in to gymnastics class Devin saw a ginormous climbing wall and said, "I want to do that!" as he saw some kids climbing.
We never would have known about that wonderful new hook for him had we not taken the gymnastics class.

So, I called the Recreation center and told them politely that I wanted a full refund for the gymnastics class series and asked if they would take that money and put it toward climbing lessons for Devin. He is thrilled and can't wait to take on his new adventure next week!

To me, this life is about offering our children a rich buffet or options and activities in life. They Joyfully take what appeals to them and leave the rest at the door. There is no retribution for stopping classes or projects. There is only pure, authentic freedom without guilt, coercion, or shame. There is just choices, with no strings attached.

As Devin and I hung out in bed last night talking I asked him if he wished he never went to gymnastics class and he said, "No. it was boring, but I learned how to do a handstand and a backward roll. I learned what I wanted, now time to learn how to climb!"

It wasn't this huge drama. It was simple and positive and he did learn so much. It wasn't a negative to us because he didn't want to do it again. We all looked at the many positives of the experience and noticed how it led to another cool interest! Joe is taking the climbing class with Devin next week. It is something Joe has always wanted to try also.

We are off on another adventure and it feels so good to all of us! Life is what you create and choose to see in any given situation. We choose to create happiness, understanding and connection in all that we do and I am so grateful for that!

A Day in the Life

We have had a really long stretch of rain here in NH.

With 4 kids whose interests are so very different, my job as my kids learning facilitator is never dull or boring. Our home fluctuates between buzzing, loud excitement to quiet exploration and stillness. You learn to ride the waves of the energy in the moment and go with the flow of the majority. If you want quiet during a flurry of intensity, you are likely to be frustrated. As parents, surrendering to *What Is* and not trying to control this natural flow of energy is one way that we live a Peaceful and Joyful family life.

The kids all really love baking. It's something that they can all do together and I often buy a cake for each of them to make and tuck it away for a rainy day. I always pull out our huge selection of cake decorations and the kids go to town creating their own special cake. They love this! You'd think that 3 cakes in the house would last forever, but they usually go quickly. My favorite today was Ivy's "Red Velvet" cake. (It was a little too heavy on the sprinkles for my taste, but she loved it).

Also, Ivy loves when I color ice with food coloring for her bath. There's nothing like a fun bath in the middle of the day! She has so much fun watching the water change so many different colors.

As much as we love our rainy day activities, this Mama is looking forward to the sunshine coming soon!

Mom, I love you.....

My Mom sent me the sweetest note and with her permission I decided to post it because I feel it is a very special aspect of my birth with Orion .... her presence was something I will never forget.

Here is a picture of she and I when I was a couple days old. I love this picture. ~Dayna


"To my wonderful daughter,

It has now been 6 months since Orion's birth. I have never expressed to you the emotions that I felt on that special day. I can hardly find the words to tell you how much it meant to me to share that with you. I will never forget how it felt to catch my little grandson and look at his beautiful little face. It was magical and truly the most incredible moment of my life.

I watched you in awe- you are the most wonderful gift I have ever been given Dayna. You are brave and perfect beyond any words I have. You were focused and controlled the entire labor. You even laughed at some silly movie we were watching. How did you manage that?? lol When I think of that day I never fail to have tears of happiness and joy following my thoughts.

You gave me the most wonderful gift any daughter could give her mom and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. Thank you for trusting me with the most intimate and private moment of your life. Thank you for letting me be a part of that special time in our family life. I want you to know how much I love and respect you for all you do. You are my very best friend in this life. I love you little girl, Mom"

~Darlene to Dayna August 5th, 2008

An Ode to Joe

I just had to post tonight to give a little Shout Out to my sweet hubby.

Joe doesn't really ask for much in life... food, music and his computer. That's about all he needs in life, (along with us of course). He spends so much time with the kids playing and exploring and helping them get what they want in life. He sews, cooks, does laundry, dishes and yard work on top of running his own business.

I am so grateful to be Joe's wife. Ever since we met when I was 15 and he was 17, I always knew he and I were meant to be together. Sometimes I just can't believe all that we have built together... 4 kids.... a home..... a business and the most fun, connected life. Our combined Energy is fierce and a force to be reckoned with.

I took a couple of snapshots of Joe today to share what a day in his life is like as a Daddy to 4 young kids. I'm laughing as I post this, but one of the kids put their silly-putty in Joe's pocket. He was only slightly amused. Joe also made us a screen door which we all took part in decorating and painting. I'm so grateful for the awesome screen door!

So Babe, if you read this.... I'm Givin Ya Props Dawg!

Balancing Multiple Needs

Living respectfully with our children means that we honor not only them, but all of their belongings. I would never throw something out or give away something that belongs to one of my kids without asking them, just as I wouldn't any of Joe's things.

Devin and Ivy aren't very attached to "things" and can easily part with things once they are finished with them or outgrow them. Dakota, on the other hand, is very attached to all of her belongings. Everything she has ever owned is so treasured by her. She sees and feels that her things are an extension of herself. Being highly sensitive, I can understand this and I honor and embrace this about my little girl.

Lately, Joe and I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of baby dolls and stuffed animals coming out of every toy box and closet in the house. It seems disrespectful to just toss her beloved things in a corner messily, or pile them up in a closet just to get them out of our way. We want her to know that we respect and value her belongings as much as we do our own. This is really important to us because we know that she learns how to treat her things by how we treat them.

I also really wanted Dakota to be able to see all of her treasured babies and stuffed animals rather than packing them away neatly in Rubbermaid containers. (that was one option we were pondering but decided against) We want her to feel abundant in all that she has in life. This is important to her, but I couldn't figure out for the life of me how to store them neatly for her (which she also wants) with so darn many.

Yesterday we came up with a mutually agreeable solution for Dakota's beloved friends. Today I spent the day finding a new home for 2 bookcases worth of books. It was a great solution for us and I feel so free and light. I knew we would figure something out and it is so nice that every one's needs were met peacefully and respectfully. Sometimes it does take time and work to get here, but it is SO worth it!

Here all of Dakota's treasured babies sit ready to greet her whenever she enters her room. She couldn't stop smiling when we were finished. She is so happy with what we did for her, and so am I. All Is Well in her World today.