Sparkling Skaters

Every Saturday the kids go with Joe to the Ice Skating Rink. They usually get a pizza and enjoy skating to loud rock music... Orion and I enjoy a quiet evening home toether.

Ivy has especially enjoyed ice skating this year. She asks everyday how many days until skating.

Ice Skating with Daddy has proven to be a night of delight and connection with him. The snow is melting and the kids are excited about being outdoors more, so I am sure that ice skating will fade away for another year, but the kids and and Joe will have their special Winter memories.

The Babywearing Project

I started the Babywearing Project , featured on Mothering.com four years ago and I still give out baby carriers to those in need along with information and support about the benefits of babywearing. If anyone has a gently used baby carrier that they would like to pass on to another parent who can't afford one, please send it to:

Dayna Martin

c/o The Babywearing Project

196 East Madison Road

Madison, NH 03849

Joyful Easter Projects

Today the kids and I made some really sweet projects to celebrate Easter!

We first made birds nests out of clay and twigs. The we made sparkle eggs. We blew the insides out of the eggs by punching holes in either end of an egg and then blowing the yolk and white out of the egg. Then we painted the egg whites on the outside of the hollow egg and sprinkled on glitter to make them extra special.

This was such a fun project and I am so glad that the kids had another opportunity to celebrate the upcoming holiday!

Down With Obedience!

Let’s review the obedience model, which purports that something is wrong when a child is not obedient or conforming. So much so, that our culture resorts to drugging a child into obedience. This is stunningly disturbing that a school or parent would change the chemistry of a child’s brain to meet its own parental needs…the epitome of narcissism. Children are forced through punishments and rewards to act in a manner that is easy for parents. Such coerced behavior meets parents’ needs, but rarely takes into account the children’s needs. We need to look deeper and realize that we are not here to train our children to be obedient. We are here to raise free-thinking, strong, confident individuals.

As parents living the Radical Unschooling philosophy, we focus on the needs under our kids “behavior.” I put behavior in quotes because I feel the word itself is demeaning. I wouldn’t say to my husband, “Honey, I didn’t like your behavior at the store.” This doesn’t feel respectful to me and sounds like terminology used for dog training. For the sake of clarity, I will use the term in the following discussion.

Traditional parenting focuses on a child’s behavior. Living the unschooling life infers that we choose not to focus on how our child is expressing their needs or their behavior. I don’t judge behavior because I trust that our kids are doing their best through self-expression at any given time. Because parents stop a child’s behavior through punishment, they may feel that their job ends at that point. However the child’s need underlying his or her behavior was not met. In fact, correcting a behavior rarely meets a child’s need. We don’t listen to our kids. We just silence them and make them behave.

An important point to remember and internalize is that a child’s unmet need does not go away. Silencing the behavior does nothing for the child and only meets the need of the parent. The child’s need is still there, present, not getting met. How overwhelmingly frustrating for a child, or any human for that matter!

Do you know how maddening it is to ask someone for something you really need if you were tired and grumpy, only to have him or her say, “I don’t like the way you asked for that. Sit there for 5 minutes and be nice!” Moreover, they walk away and leave you. Can you feel that frustration build within you? Parents treat children this way every single day, and it warps them internally so much.

Again, the unmet need doesn’t go away. Often, the need morphs into another symptom like stuttering or nail biting or something more distressing. Then, we drug kids or bring them to therapy to do away with these troubling behaviors that WE caused! Their need does not go away because you force them to stop expressing it. If only their need was heard in the beginning. If only a child could truly have the basic human respect to be heard, this vicious parenting cycle would never have started.

You cannot punish children’s need out of them. Whatever inside of them needs to come out will do so if suppressed. The point is to notice the need, and when the need is met, then notice the child’s growth: “Wow. She did not scream for her juice that time. She asked me politely. That was awesome.” Just notice and be authentic. Be in the moment and be grateful.

~Dayna

Living With Balance

Traditional parenting focusing on controlling kids behavior and training them to be obedient. It is important to realize that the most important things for parents in a traditional paradigm is how their children appear to others and how convenient the child is to live with.

The traditional authoritarian parenting paradigm of solely meeting the parents’ needs, as marketed by the media, in books, and on shows like Nanny 911, are the norm in our culture. People coming to this way of life from the norm think that the pendulum must swing all the way in the other direction of being devoted to meeting the child’s needs only. Not so! Parents have needs, too. This is a big reason why I have heard parents say, “Unschooling didn’t work for our family.”

All that most people know is power ruling, rather than balancing and respecting equally the needs of everyone in the family. These parents surrender their own needs in place of running around meeting the needs of their children, while ignoring their own. They get burnt out quickly and in doing so, give up thinking that what they just did was Unschooling. Not so. They were only half way here! It is so important to take the responsibility to meet your needs. Modelling this self care and self love to our children is how they learn to honor their own needs and yours as well.

We live in that wonderfully balanced place where parents’ and children’s needs are met in harmony. I look at our lives as a little microcosm of world peace. Living this life means we are sharing how it is possible to be partners with one another. Everyone in our family, in our lives, matter and are important.

Midnight Butterflies

I was laying in bed last night, as I often do, awake with my thoughts.

As an advocate for the amazing life of Radical Unschooling with the Law of Attraction, I feel so much excitement about the future of parenting.

Almost every night, I wake up for some water. As I lay back down in bed I think about the upcoming day before me. I get so excited about what is before us, that I feel butterflies in my stomach. I never knew I could be so happy. I am so grateful for being on the path that we are.

At 5:30AM, I lay in bed, watching the sun peek through the curtains, and I thought to myself, I can't wait until everyone wakes up and we have another day together, pursuing our passions and exploring our interests..

I love our life so much.... I am in utter Gratitude for discovering the Secret to life and the Secret to Happiness for myself and for my children. Freedom, Connection and Joy as the priority, with everything else falling into place.

A huge shift in consciousness is happening and I am happy to help lead the way...

Forts of Joy!

All of my kids just love to build forts. For as long as I can remember they have used blankets and sheets to create their own little comfortable spaces. I am often pulled into the task of helping to construct their tiny dwellings.

Yesterday we built an enormous fort over in our playroom together. I love when I can get so into our task that I have just as much fun as the kids do. Time flew by and we created a fort with 5 rooms and used many blankets, play silks and sheets.

After we were done, the kids crawled into our tee pee and took a much needed cuddle together. Then we ate lunch in one of the rooms. We live life in the slow lane, enjoying our days together. It was so much fun connecting with them in this way.

Clarity Through Contrast

Over the last few years I have learned to embrace contrast. The concept took my some time to fully understand. One way that we gain clarity in what we want from life is to experience what we don't want. Contrast gives us the gift of clarity.

I notice when I am feeling contrast and through doing so, the contrast turns to clarity and then to *desire*. I have learned to use this tool in my everyday life which turns experiences that others would view as "negative" into opportunites for Gratitude.

I was talking with Devin, Tiff and Ivy today about contrast. We were talking about being grateful for contrasting feelings, contrasting experiences and contrasting emotions.

One way in which I decided to explain the concept to the kids was to share about contrasting colors. We spent a few hours exploring what contrasting colors were through art. Ivy, Tiff and Devin created their own projects where they experienced contrast, hands on, which tied perfectly into what we had been talking about.

I shared with the kids that being able to appreciate their health when they are sick is one way to experience contrast and truly feel gratitude for their healthy minds and bodies. Without contrast how would we ever appreciate anything in life?

Here is Ivy sharing the pictures that she created, with Contrast as the focus of her artwork.

Us Time

Our lives are inseparable from our kids lives. We are all together all day, everyday. Devin visits friends on occasion now that he is older, but for the most part, if you dropped by our house, we'd all be here to greet you!

One day last week Joe and I were feeling like we would love to have a quiet, romantic dinner together.

Having 4 children, and meeting their needs as well as our own takes skill and balance. We normally have some alone time after Tiff, Ivy and Orion go to bed, but lately everyone has been staying up late.

Getting an hour to ourselves to connect sounded heavenly.

After talking to them about our need to have dinner alone, we asked them how they would feel about us going out while they stay with family. Devin was fine with it, the didn't want us to go.

I think that most people wouldn't think anything of it to drive away leaving crying kids begging them to stay. I've seen the normality of this portrayed on TV and with friends. Everyone always says, "They'll be alright... just go..." This has never felt right to us. If our kids don't want us to leave them, we respect that. We've never left them somewhere if they didn't want to be there.

So, we talked with the kids and told them that we really wanted to be alone for dinner. Tiff had the idea to watch a movie in the living room and keep an eye on Orion while we ate so we could have the time we wanted.

It worked out perfectly! We had such a nice romantic meal and because we respected the girls need for us not to leave them, they in turn respected our need to be alone for this one hour.

Respect Begets Respect

Joe and I were very grateful for the creative way that we all worked together to have our needs met. It was a very special dinner. We know that there will come a time when the kids are ready to be left alone with others joyfully. We also know that once they all move out we will have the rest of our lives for quiet dinners alone. In the meantime, we will continue respecting their needs as much as our own. This Trust between all of us is the basis of our Joyful, Connected life.

What Recession?

I have many people email me about how Joe and I are coping with the Recession and ask if we use the Law of Attraction during these desperate times. My answer is always, "What Recession?"

Joe and I understand the natural ebb and flow of prosperity and flow with it. We are still steadily selling things through our business, Willow Toys, but we choose to lower our prices to reflect the economy.

This is important, because if you have a business and don't do this, you won't sell as much and hence feel lack. It's important to surrender and go with the flow. For example, a wooden kitchen that we normally sell for $250. we are now selling for $199. Don't be afraid to lower your prices. It helps everyone out. Do it Joyously!

Also, Here are a few tips to help shift your feeling during this time when most people are feeling lack.

1. Be grateful. You don’t want to do anything for an ingrate and neither does the Universe. Say thank you for what abundance and blessings you have received in your life and focus on them.

2. Be abundant. In interactions with others, give your heart to them. Love them. And love people you don’t even know that well, someone you have no ‘organic’ feelings for either way. An easy way to tap into those feelings is to think of the person that you love most in the world. Be happy for others success as if it was your own.

3. Give back. It’s different for everyone. Some people write, some cook, and some volunteer. Create. Creation is one of the most important parts of receiving abundance.

4. The Law of Conservation should be maintained. There is nothing wrong with trying to cut costs during a recession. Just do it from a place of abundance, rather than fear and lack. If you decide to cancel Nexflix for a few months, revel in the happiness of having that money in your pocket every month, rather than thinking about the fact that you don't have Netflix anymore and feeling lack from that.

Our Business and Our Family want to encourage you to not get swept up in the negativity and lack that many are feeling during this time in our economy. Trust the process. Know that it is normal and natural for the economy to ebb and flow in such a way. Prosperity and Abundance is everywhere.

Peace & Love, Dayna

Kickin' It With Paint

Feeling creative when we woke up, the kids and I decided to pull out or craft books and try something new today.

We found a cool painting project which came out beautifully!

Painting on to a piece of paper, we used water colors (I would recommend the tube kind, they came out better) to cover the entire sheet. Then we covered it in plastic wrap, let it dry and when we removed the plastic, pushed down and crinkled it a bit and Wow! What a beautiful work of art!

The kids enjoy taking on new projects often and I am so glad that we have such a huge library to draw ideas from.

Syrup Season

We are maple sugaring on our property this year! The kids are very interested in the whole process of making maple syrup.

Living in the White Mountains means lots of maple trees and luckily we have some friends with a sugar house. They tap our trees, we enjoy the benefits of free, fresh, delicious maple syrup, and the experience of watching how it is all done.

Today we learned how to tap a tree and also that it takes 30-40 gallons of sap to make only one gallon of maple syrup!

Drum Baby Drum

Throughout our vacation in Florida, we researched ways to facilitate Devin, Tiff & Ivy's interests. We went to many shows and took in a wide range of experiences with all of our passions as the center of our trip.

In Disney's Animal Kingdom, Devin found his bliss. There was a large area dedicated to many different kinds of African drums. Devin, being a drummer, wanted to spend a lot of time there. Devin tried all of the different drums, many times over, while I enjoyed a thick chocolate shake. (one of my passions ;)

While exploring this deep interest, he was so in the moment. So *Present*. I could see his Joy overflowing. Watching him doing something he loves reminds me that this is what we are here on Earth to do. Joy, Passion, Pleasure. Life is supposed to be all of these things, everyday!

On the ride home, Devin told us how grateful he was that we went to the drum area three times during our trip. He said he will never forget it.

Gratitude & Abundance

The ability to live in gratitude and abundance isn't something I was born with. I have learned how to reprogram my mind from 30+ years of cultural conditioning of living in lack and fear.

We don't realize that how we live and think is an option. We don't realize that we can change everything in our lives by learning another way to *Be*.

My kids know about the Law of Attraction, because they live it consciously. Words like *gratitude*, *manifest*, *reality* and *choice* are part of their regular vocabularies. Our children are part of the shift that is taking place right now.

I choose to live in abundance and I know that nothing new can come into my life unless I am blissfully grateful for what I already have.

Every morning when I wake up I say, "Thank you.. thank you" for my life and all that I have. Gratitude is a constant state for me, and because I am alignment with it, I am on a vibration to easily create more and more to be grateful for. It's that simple!

"Abundance comes only to those who already have it. It sounds almost unfair, but of course it isn’t. It is a universal law. Both abundance and scarcity are inner states that manifest as your reality. Jesus put it like this: “For to the one who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” - Eckhart Tolle, “ A New Earth – Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose”

Rockin' Conference Gigs

A fabulous part of our lives as Radical Unschooling advocates pioneering this movement, is traveling, and speaking at conferences. The kids love it and I am so grateful that our passion is shared by our whole family.

Some of our upcoming Sparkling Martin 'tour' engagements, where I will be a featured speaker are:

The Great Big Happy Life Conference- April 28- May 1, 2009, Lebanon, New Jersey

London Unschooling Conference - July 25th, London, England

Northeast Unschooling Conference - August 27 - 30, Wakefield, Massachusetts

Rethinking Education Conference - Septmeber 4th- 8th, Westlake, Texas

Unschooling Adventure Cruise - October 24th-29th, Bermuda

Unschooling Freedom Cruise - Feb 14th-21st, from Galveston, Texas to Cozumel Mexico, Caymen Islands, Jamaica

Come meet our family...

Become Inspired...

Learn how to Live the Dream...

Mobile Passion

Ivy loves to lay in bed and look up at her ceiling and gaze at the mobiles above her bed. Every since she was a baby she has had a fascination with them. She never slept in a crib, in fact we've never owned one, but once I learned that she loved mobiles I hung them over our family bed.

Over the years, I have found fun ways to feed her passion. We make mobiles out of anything we can think of. Tiny little stuffed animals, colored pasta, Littlest Pet Shop animals. We've even made a few together out of felt that we have hand sewn.

Every night before she goes to sleep she says goodnight to her mobiles and greets them when she wakes up.

I don't know how long this passion with burn within her, but for as long as it does I will be by her side, creating mobiles together in Joy.

One With Nature

Every year we enjoy growing flowers and vegetables. Last week we bought a little greenhouse to enjoy the process of the seeds sprouting and flowers blooming inside. Once the snow melts they will be ready to plant outside to watch them thrive in one of our gardens.

I love to create a life where our children have an environment rich with activities and projects all around them. Growing flowers is one of the many projects we have going right now. Every morning we wake up to check out how much the seeds have grown.

I love this about our life... Being part of the natural rhythms of the seasons, ever changing, ebbing and flowing and growing... Nothing is more connected to nature, and more joyful for me than to give my family a home where there is always something to learn from and enjoy.

Life Without Limits

Most people who aren't familiar with this new parenting paradigm would never believe that if a child has the freedom to have as much candy as they want, that they wouldn't eat it all in one sitting.

Our children do not have an affinity with candy. They know that they can have it whenever they want. Some may think that this means our kids eat candy all day long. It is quite on the contrary. As an adult, do you eat candy all day long because you have the freedom to do so? I'm guessing not. It is no different for children who have the freedom to choose what to put in their bodies.

When a child has the true freedom to eat candy when they want, they find a balance with it, much like an adult would. It may be hard to believe, but it is true.

Our kids each have candy available to them whenever they want it, and because they know we trust them, and that they won't have it taken away, they are so balanced with their consumption. They might have a piece or two a day. There is no power over the candy. They do not view it any differently than they would any other food option.

Here is a picture that I took of Dakota's candy this morning. She has it in a bag in her room. She was sorting through it this morning when I became inspired to share this aspect of our lives.

Trust your kids. Know that they will make good choices for themselves. Know that freedom to choose changes everything.

Honoring My Hands

When Joe asked to marry me 16 years ago, my aunt gave him a ring that belonged to my grandmother. It was her engagement ring and when she died, she wanted it passed down to me. Our wedding rings were chosen to match it perfectly.

When I got pregnant with Devin my rings didn't fit anymore, and every time I had a child, I couldn't slip them on. I actually had them cut off with my pregnancy with Ivy because they got stuck on my finger. Just a few months ago, I brought the rings in to be repaired and re sized.

When I got them back from the jewelers they were shining and perfect and as I slipped them on, I felt a completeness, and wholeness as I realized that I would never have to take them off again. It was a very moving moment, and the jeweler stared at me as I was frozen in time, looking down at my hand with tears streaming down my face.

Shortly after I got home, I was taking a bath, alone and it was quiet. I was looking at my hand with my beautiful rings and my heart filled with such gratitude for this part of my body. I thought about all the amazing things my hands help me do through the day. Holding my children's hands, prepare nourishing food for them, putting a band-aid on a boo-boo, drawing, cleaning our home, playing music, writing my thoughts about our amazing life.

My hands are my song, my mothering, my creators of so many great things...

My friend Marcelle, game me a lovely Mango, warming hand lotion while we were at Disney World as a gift. I massaged it slowly all over my hands as I thanked them for aiding in my life so much. I gave them each a kiss. Ivy was watching me and she smiled. She looked down and kissed her own hands. She never asked any questions. she simply ran off to play. I know that she learns from all that I do.

Everyday now, I take time to be grateful and give them special care. As I rub them with luxurious lotion, I honor them for their starring role in my Joyful life.

Our Sparkling Snow Party

The other day I was leaving the grocery store and a man walking by said to me, "Can we get any more snow? Can it get any colder?". He was so disgruntled and huffed off.

I smiled and began remembering all the times when I have heard people complain about the weather up here in the White Mountains. Snow in on the ground about 6 months out of the year. It is part of our lives here and something we should be celebrating and honoring! I really wanted to live in gratitude about it, rather than complaining and suffering through it. Then I had an idea...

A Snow Party! In a matter of just a few minutes, I had a party with our Unschooling friends planned. I love this about our lives so much. We have the Freedom and flexibility to pull a sucessful party off in a matter of hours.

Last night was such a fun celebration! We roasted hot dogs and veggie dogs over the open fire. The kids colored snow and we had an ice cube spoon race. We made snow toffee and listened to upbeat music outside while we all enjoyed one another and the beautiful snow that covered our lives. I am so grateful to have such wonderful Unschooling families, who we can call in a moments notice and say.. "Come over! We're having a party!"
Thank you Jill, Caitlin and Joe... love you guys!

Bangin' Threads

Do you ever have one of those days when the creative juices flow right through you? Those amazing days when the thread seems to have a mind of it's own?

Today was just that kind of day for me. Outside we were getting a huge snowstorm.. I made cookies, Ivy and Orion were asleep and Devin and Tiff were playing SIMS Castaway...

I had extra time on my hands..

I listened to sweet, flowing music and began to create...

In the evening I had a call with a Doula client and during that call I finished my project. I didn't know what it would be, I just went with the energy of it all...

I call this, " Unschooled Life: Peace, Joy, Free".

Props to Compleat Mother

I came upon this hilarious image while visiting one of my favorite magazine, websites. The Compleat Mother has been part of my life for over a decade. Ivy and Tiff love when the magazine comes in the mail usually with images of nursing babes and kids.

This particular image is from Mutha Crafter, a hip Etsy shop.

Check out Compleat Mother Magazine where my friend Jody McLaughlin brings so many fringe topics about parenting to the World.

I give the Compleat Mother props for the role this magazine has played on my own Journey.

In Gratitude, Dayna