Dakota Leigh Martin, (aka Tiffany Rose) is such a powerful creator. She is a fierce leader. She doesn't listen to what others feel is "right". She finds her own *truth* in all that she does. She is an intense free-thinking person.
I am so grateful to be her Mom. I can't imagine her being part of mainstream parenting and schooling. She would most certainly be put on medication to control her and keep her within someone's else's ideals of being "obedient" because she wouldn't listen to what someone else tells her to do. She isn't made that way.
Joe, my dear love, has had such a hard time dealing with her personality sometimes. I think because they are so much alike. Joe is very intense himself, so meeting every one's needs has been more than a challenge sometimes for me as a wife and mother.
It was a difficult morning here. Tiff so wanted to buy a toy caterpillar she saw the night before at the grocery store. (Devin has one that he got years ago and she has always loved it.) When she saw one there for a special promotion she was beside herself with excitment. When we shared that we may not be able to afford it this week she screamed. She yelled. She cried. She let us know in every way humanly possible that this huge toy Caterpillar was something she wanted so badly.
Instead of becoming a wall between her and her desires, and letting it slip into a power struggle, I merged with her and became her partner and helped her find a way to help her get what she wanted while respecting Joe's needs to save money... I could see how desperate she was when Joe said, "Not this week honey". I could see that she saw the inJustice in his words.
Joe and I recently booked a trip to Disney World. We are saving every penny for this amazing adventure this January, So, being torn between Joe's desires of saving for our trip and Tiff's desire for this toy was hard. I held on to the desire to find a way with this situation so that everyone wins.
There are real life limitations that keep us from getting certain things we want in life sometimes. Our children learn this just from living life with us, so I never find it necessary to say "no" just so they learn that "lesson".
After much thought, I found a way to meet everyone's needs. I cuddled and held Tiff and talked to her about her desire. I shared that one option was that we could sell a few things to make the money to buy it if she wanted. I suggested a few things of mine that I could sell. Tiff decided to sell a few Gameboy Games that she didn't play with anymore. We also sold a few of Joe's old games. We discussed options to all help one another rather than just taking the easy, traditional role and saying, "...because I say so" or "life is hard" or the other many choice phrases that most kids hear if they want something their family can't afford.
Luckily, the local Pawn Shop bought Tiff's & Devin's old Gameboy games that they didn't want anymore... just enough to help Tiff get the cool Caterpillar she so wanted! The other kids were happy for her and also helped by offering to sell some of their things. She was so grateful to us for helping her. She knows she can count on us to help her get what she wants in life. She trusts us and she knows that we are here to help her in life, not stand between her and her wants. This is really important to us as parents.
We know that our children's wants are their needs. We help them. We love them. We don't try to control them. We shift from control to understanding and partnership. This we believe is a way to show our kids a more peaceful, loving, connected way to be in this World than a traditional role of Power Ruling.
Here is Tiff with her new toy.... Rainbow Caterpillar. She fell asleep with him last night and Joe and I were proud that we all worked together to meet everyone's needs. Yes, it was challenging to work through our cultural conditioning to find a more giving, caring, peaceful way, but it was worth every second. Tiff knows that those that love her will help her get what she wants in life. In turn she is learning that this is the way to *Be* in life...
Working together to meet everyone's needs in the family and respecting everyone equally is our goal as a family. Sometimes it is hard to break out of traditional roles because of our culture and how we were parented, but when we do........... Life Is Good.