Meme Share!!

Hi Everyone! I wanted to share some of my newest memes with you. Please feel free to share!

I hope you enjoy them and that they inspire and support you on the Radical Unschooling path!

~Peace & Love, Dayna

NEW! "Sexy Birth" Cover

Here is the new cover for my book, "Sexy Birth." 

I absolutely love it! 

Here is a review that is on the back cover,


"Sexy Birth by Dayna Martin is part of a new wave of consciousness surrounding the way women choose to labor. As Martin describes it, “[a] Sexy Birth is a birth where trust and love are the predominant emotions guiding you through the entire process.” The phrase “trust birth” has been around for a long time, but this book brings a deeper meaning to the concept. Trusting birth isn’t just a mantra, it is a way of life and a way of accepting how different every pregnancy and birth can be. This book , based on Martin’s own experiences with pregnancy and ten years spent working as a Doula and Childbirth Educator, acknowledges that rigid expectations of how to behave during pregnancy, such as every woman adhering to one medically prescribed “pregnancy diet”, are dangerous (“I ate with my heart – perfectly individualized pregnancy nutrition!” says Martin.).

Sexy Birth is a guide to positive thinking in all aspects of pregnancy with practical advice for expecting mamas. It covers everything that average pregnancy guides cover, but with a sense of empowerment that is essential to a positive birth experience. She writes, “During my pregnancy with Orion, I did something I hadn’t done with the other three pregnancies. I achieved an even higher level of trust. I not only trusted myself and my baby, I trusted that the Universe itself was conspiring on my behalf, for all to go perfectly for me.”

The book is full of interesting facts and ideas that had me talking non-stop over dinner with even my non-birthy friends (once you learn about the nutritional benefits of ingesting sperm, you likely never forget). Sexy Birth is SEXY. The existence of self-empowered, positive, and loving birth experiences is one that everyone should be aware of. Perhaps, the most inspiring part of the whole book is in Martin’s final thoughts where she reaches out to her readers for the last time. She says, “We are the creators of love and light that cannot be dimmed, unless we allow others to manage and control our birthing experience. When we take full responsibility for how our babies enter this world, we have the power to change humanity for the better.”

Don’t wait to read this one. –Squat Birth Journal

Radical Unschooling is NOT Permissive Parenting

Over the years, Radical Unschooling has been mistaken for “permissive parenting,” and many judgments have been made about it based on this misbelief. The truth is, Radical Unschooling is an extension of Attachment Parenting philosophy and is a very hands-on, involved approach based on connection, rather than control. The philosophy is about being a child’s partner and focusing on their true needs and helping them get what they want in life through partnership and love, rather than the traditional focus on training a child through behavior modification to meet the parents needs for compliance and obedience. Radical Unschooling honors the child’s needs just as much as the parents, and a side effect of that is that children grow up learning that everyone’s needs matter equally, not just those in power. After all, children learn what they live!

Most people do not know of any other options, other than control. The only other “logical” thing they know is what our collective culture knows, is that it is being hands-off, or permissive if we are not punishing, or controlling behavior of our children. They view anything other than traditional parenting as neglectful, or lazy, because they have never learned another way. The “experts and authorities” in our culture have done a very good job at selling people the need to be controlled, themselves.

Those raised in an authoritarian paradigm were told that it was all “necessary,” and done for our “own good” and that it was done “out of love.” It was confusing to be trained to meet the adults needs around us. Our behavior was all that mattered and having negative intent assumed from us chipped away at our self-esteem. Being told that power and force was necessary and without it we were not loved or cared for, is one of our cultures biggest lies and one that has been spoon-fed to us for generations. It has become a collective belief.

Our culture indirectly tells us that being nice and respecting children is neglectful and lazy. People do not realize how brainwashed they have been to believe this message! They also do not see that this lie has been passed down for so long, because of the mental anguish it would cause us all if we didn’t buy into this idea. People aren’t ready to see that the disrespect and mistreatment wasn’t necessary for their “own good.” People do not want to face the truth, because it won’t allow them to go on controlling, punishing and training their children any longer and it will force them to finally validate the inner knowing of injustice that was prevalent in their own upbringing and do something different and dare I say, better.

Radical Unschooling is not easy, nor is is lazy. It takes time and effort to find ways to meet the needs of everyone in the family and respect everyone equally! It takes listening, problem solving and critical thinking. It takes patience, understanding and discussion. Some people in our culture don’t want things to change and evolve, because they still want to force others to meet their needs, rather than taking the responsibility to meet their own. They will be very resistant to honoring the basic human rights of children. They desperately want to hold on to an authoritarian paradigm because without it, they need to step up and take full responsibility for their own needs being met. Many will still choose the easy road, of forcing children to obey them, but it is not without dyer consequences to their relationship and connection.

Ignorance is comfortable and easy. Facing the truth causes great pain to our culture, but it is here and staring us all in the face. Children’s right are next on the human rights agenda and it is happening, right before your eyes.

So many of us are saying, Radical Unschooling is not permissive parenting! It is not lazy, abusive or hand-off. This lie can not be passed down any longer, because an uprising is happening and children and teens are seeing the option for kindness and respect themselves through the eyes of others being raised with more respect and human rights. You can’t repress a conscious, aware generation. The lie can’t survive in a culture that isn’t buying into it anymore.

In the above diagram, you can see where Unschooling falls in the “Compass of Parenting.” I hope this helps you see that there is a lot our culture has yet to learn and those of us walking a path of loving and respecting our children as humans beings and not property. It is truly raising the bar on so many levels, and many people aren’t ready for it yet, but awareness can’t be stopped. We are here to share the truth and open the door for understanding a more respectful, peaceful way to treat children that is modelling and creating more peace, love and connection with the world.

Are you ready?!

~Peace & Love, Dayna

I'm THAT Mom

You know, that Mom that takes her children sledding at midnight, under the stars, making the neighbors secretly jealous because they have to sleep to get up early for work and school.

I’m that Mom who loves to clean and decorate and enjoys giving my family a cozy, joyful place to call their nest. I express my creativity using my home as my canvas. I want home to be a place that my children love to be, where they feel safe, happy and inspired in.

I’m that Mom who always assumes positive intent from my children and sees them as fully capable people.

I’m that Mom who encourages my children to explore their own beliefs, even when they differ from my own.

I’m that Mom who enjoys the music my children love and turns up the volume as loudly as they want in the car. I am that Mom who loves bands like, Metallica and Slayer and still dives in mosh pits at their concerts.

I’m that Mom who will jump on a trampoline with my children, even though I can feel my body jiggle in places that I didn’t know I had flesh.

I’m that Mom who kisses the mirror and says, “I love you,” to myself while my children are watching.

I’m that Mom who explores my own interests fully, with reckless abandon, inspiring my children, through my passion, to learn more about what I am into.

I’m that Mom who often times makes a different meal for everyone in the family because I trust that whatever they are craving is exactly what their bodies need, yet I don’t feel like a “short-order cook, a waitress or a slave.”
I feel like a nurturing Mother.

I’m that Mom who chooses to be my children’s voice if they are in a situation where they are uncomfortable, or unable to express their feelings or needs.

I’m that Mom who sometimes pays for the coffee or a toll for the person in the car behind us, just for the joy of it because my children love when we practice random acts of kindness with strangers.

I’m that Mom who no longer has babies or toddlers who are physically dependent on me, but is grateful for the next phase of our lives together as a family. I am rediscovering who I am now that a decade of pregnancy, nursing and child-wearing is over.

I’m that Mom who’s learning how to paint and make pottery with the encouragement of my children and loving the passion for art and creativity that my kids are developing alongside me. I’m that mom who keeps her home fully stocked with paint, paper, clay, pastels, and every kind of craft supply imaginable, to fully facilitate our love for creativity.

I’m that Mom who plays Grand Theft Auto with my kids and looks up cheat codes to help them gain access into secret levels of a game that they love. I bring my kids to gaming and Steampunk conventions and dress up as a character that they created, because they want me to.

I’m that Mom who will throw towels in the dryer while my children are in the shower, then run them upstairs to surprise them with warm towels to wrap themselves with on cold, snowy nights.

I’m that Mom who talks openly and freely about love and sex and shares that intimacy is something each of them will learn about in their own time, in their own way and I will be there for them in any way that I can to answer questions and support them without judgement.

I’m that Mom who always says, “Yes,” when my daughters ask to play with my makeup and beauty products, even when it is my favorite, expensive body wash, because they are worth it to me.

I’m that Mom who gets a tattoo that represents each of my children, where they each pick out a color of their choice to represent them on the tattoo. When other people see my tattoo, they proudly point to which part of the tattoo is, “them.”

I’m that Mom who will pull out my grandmothers fine china, as a surprise to serve their lunch on, showing them that everyday together as a family is a special occasion.

I’m that Mom who makes mistakes sometimes, but I am not afraid to apologize to my kids. I know in doing so, they will learn that making mistakes is part of learning and growing. They know I am perfectly imperfect.

I’m exactly the Mom that I always wanted to be, despite others telling me it would never happen because I’d know better once I had my own children.

Yes. I’m THAT Mom.

Releasing Attachment To Outcomes

The kids and I colored some rice for crafts. 
I love the neon food coloring! It was so pretty! 

When I first walked out into the kitchen and saw this, I had a mini-freak-out in my mind. I witnessed that the rice, (that took time and work to create,) was now all mixed together and was being used for for something different than what I intended. I decided to stop and breathe. In that moment, rather than reacting in anger or disappointment, I chose to feel the joy that my children experienced using this rice as "ants" for their anteaters.

Instead of reacting, I shifted my thoughts to gratitude, and let go of my attachment of how I thought that we would be using this rice - in a craft project tomorrow. I recognizing that my children had other ideas - ideas that I would have never considered. If I would have stayed attached to my original idea, it would have robbed my children of the joy and connection that they had playing their new game together. It would have also been limiting their creativity and self-expression.

When you release your attachment to a certain outcome, and choose connection rather than control, 

you enable yourself to respond from the heart, with love.

Peace & Love, Dayna

London Hugs!

On a recent trip to England to visit my parents, I lived out a life-long dream to give our Free Hugs on the busy streets of London. It was the most fulfilling experience. I hope it inspires you to live your dreams NOW! 

You Get What You Give!

~Peace  & Love, Dayna

A Sparkling Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day has always been one of my favorite holidays. Every year it seems to get more and more special to our family. This year was a big year for our family and we have all gone through so much amazing growth and expansion! I wanted to make this year very special and it was indeed!

I hope your day of LOVE was special too! 

We started the day with strawberry, chocolate chip pancakes

I decorated the table with the theme of LOVE for the kids to wake up to. They were so surprised and loved it so much!

The girls made heart lollypop cookies and gave them to the people they loved. 

Love Is Bliss!

Forced vs. Natural Milestones

As parents, we hear what “experts” claim to be average ages that children meet milestones in our culture. We then tend to compare our children to these averages and push them to reach them out of fear that they aren’t living up to the cultural norm or standard. When many people first discover Radical Unschooling, in which a family lives in a partnership paradigm, they may become fearful when their children aren’t reaching milestones that children raised in an authoritarian paradigm are. This sometimes causes parents to drop the option of Radical Unschooling all together out of fear that their children will be left behind, or never reach their potential. The truth is, there is a very different curve to look at as parents who respect children in their natural learning and growth. Children raised in partnership have a completely different range of normal, or average than the cultural norm, and it is so important to realize this so you stop comparing your children to those raised in a paradigm that has unrealistic expectations of what is thought of as normal.

I have compiled research, from over two-hundred Radical Unschooling families who I have worked with, to share what the averages for natural readiness for learning and growth looks like in a home where the child’s autonomy, choice and freedom is respected. The answers may surprise you!

Child Carried or Worn by Parent:
Controlled/Authoritarian approach: – 3 days old – 3 months old
Natural/Partnership approach: Birth – 3 years old
*A baby’s desire to be held close by a parent is innate and strong. In our culture it isn't generally promoted or respected. It is thought to damage a child and make them too dependent. However, this is untrue. In fact, a child who is worn until they are crawling or walking has their dependent needs met, and therefor become more innately independent once their dependent needs are respected and met . This is an average of how long a child is worn/held/carried in a parents arms, rather than spending their time in a baby seat/contraption.

Weaning: 
Controlled/Authoritarian approach: 6 months – 12 months
Natural/Partnership approach: 3 years – 5 years old

Solid Food as a Regular Source of Nutrition:
Controlled/Authoritarian approach: 6 weeks – 6 months
Natural/Partnership approach: 12 months – 2 1/2 years old

Sleeping Through the Night:
Controlled/Authoritarian Approach (crying-it-out or other “gentler” parent-led methods) - 6 weeks – 4 months old
Natural/Partnership Approach – 2  1/2 years – 4 years old

Using the Toilet /  Potty Training:
Controlled/Authoritarian Approach – 18 months – 2 1/2 years old
Natural/Partnership Approach – 3 years to 5 years old

Needing Help Getting Clean in the Bathroom:
Controlled/Authoritarian Approach – 2 years old -4 years old
Natural/Partnership Approach – 5 years to 7 years old
*This is not to say that the children raised in the authoritarian group were actually clean. In my studies the parents refused to help them after these ages and the kids were left to do it for themselves.

Sleeping Alone in Separate Room From Parent :
*In my research I found the biggest contrast in this particular comparison. Children left to cry-it-out, or with parents who used other methods of gentler sleep training were not respecting their child’s desire to be close to them at night. They in fact, ignored this need, often times out of fear of what others would think of them.
Controlled/Authoritarian Approach – 2 weeks old – 6 months old
Natural/Partnership Approach – 8 years to 13 years old

Reading & Writing:
Controlled/Authoritarian Approach - 5 years old -7 years old
Natural/Partnership Approach - 9 years to 14 years old

As you can see, there are vast differences in ages that children reach milestones when they are respected in their needs/desires, compared to the cultural norms, or the authoritarian paradigm.
It is important to understand that when children are respected in the natural process, they DO reach milestones and grow – but it is when they are truly ready to do so. When forced or coerced into milestones and growth before they are naturally ready,  it is not without consequence for the child, as well as the parent/child connection.

In my work, I have noticed many short and long-term negative side-effects of parent-forced “milestones.”
Observed Psychological Effects Of Children Raised in an authoritarian paradigm:

• Low self-esteem
• Hesitant or apprehensive about anything new
• Unsure of themselves
• Aggression and hostility
• Bouts of excessive anger
• Poor relationships with others
• Engaging in drugs and/or alcohol
• Self-destructive
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Insomnia
• Eating disorders
• Failure to thrive
• Panic attacks
• Repeated self-injury
• Paranoia
• Loneliness
• Sense of dissociation
• Bad dreams/Night Terrors
• Intense and Irrational Fears
• Headaches and stomach aches
• Self neglect
• Sexual dysfunction
• Stuttering/Tics

When children are respected and supported in their natural learning curve, they grow up, whole, healthy human beings.
There is a large range of what is normal for milestones through a child’s various stages in life. If parents can support these stages with love, compassion and partnership, children will not suffer negative side-effects of forced milestones later in life. When we respect a child’s natural growth, it is truly an investment in their emotional and physical well-being. Yes, it takes more time and effort to work in partnership with our children to honor their natural readiness for each of these milestones, but it is an investment in who they become for the rest of their lives. When we follow the authoritarian paradigm and focus on the parents needs for ease, convenience and control, it does damage that the child will forever carry with them. Most of us are living examples of this! Let us take the time now, to honor the wide-range of readiness for each stage in a child’s life and in doing so, we give them the greatest gift we can give another human being – the gift of feeling whole and happy in adulthood.

When my children are grown, they will not need to spend their adult years healing from the first two decades of their lives.
~Dayna Martin

A Little Cuteness

Tiff's Unschooled friend, Makenna, made this cute sweater for Comet, Tiff's hamster. So cute!
Unschoolers are the most creative kids I know!! 

Exploring Painting

Recently, Devin has been inspired to paint! Devin's girlfriend, Destynnie, is an Unschooler and an artist. She is a very talented girl! Her passion for art has rubbed off on Devin a bit. 

When someone is passionate about something, it is infectious! I don't know if this is a fleeting interest of Devin's, or if it will become a full-blown passion. I am here to facilitate whatever direction it goes in!

This is Devin's most recent painting. I love it! I am on the lookout for the perfect frame for it and already know exactly where to hang it! 

Fast Dreams!

We recently went to Florida for a vacation. While we were there I pursued a life-long dream...

 When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a race car driver. It was a dream for many years. As I got older, this dream got overshadowed by a new dream - to become a writer. 

This experience was so fulfilling to me. My step-father raced for fun when I was a kid and it was so exciting being in his "pit crew." I will never forget this life experience! I am so grateful that Joe was supportive of this dream and encouraged me to pursue it. My kids were all there watching me and cheering me on.

This is a thumbs up to my step-Dad, Gordon, who raised me for over a decade. He was a race car driver and a wonderful father to me as a child. He died of brain cancer last year. I thought of you Dad, on lap two and cried tears of gratitude for the role that you played in my life.

I did it!!

The Jeff Probst Show Experience

Devin and I recently appeared on the Jeff Probst Show to talk about Unschooling. It was the first time in our experience of sharing Unschooling with the media that we were received and heard in such a positive way. Jeff Probst asked honest questions, without agenda and allowed me to speak and share about what Unschooling is truly all about. I am so grateful to Jeff and to his producers for having such integrity and for giving us such respect and kindness. Here is a little peek into our experience in Hollywood.

The driver who picked us up from the airport to bring us to our hotel. It was fun to ride in a Mercedes

In the lobby of the Loews Hollywood Hotel. This is the same hotel we stayed in for the Dr. Phil Show six years ago, except it was called, The Hollywood Renaissance Hotel then.  It was fun to revisit the hotel and think about all we have created and experienced since our last time there. 

We stayed right on Hollywood Blvd.

Devin relaxing on the rooftop pool at the Loews Hollywood Hotel

Our dressing room door at the Jeff Probst set

Devin and I getting ready to go on stage for the show

Devin, Jeff Probst and myself

Our Sparkling Home

I have had many people ask me to share photos of our home over the years. I am happy to share this peek into our lives. Our home is simple and functional. I love it so much.

Our home was built in 1926 by Joe's great-grandfather, William Harmon. He build this home entirely by hand, without any power tools. Our kids are the 4th generation in our home and the 9th generation in our town. I love our simple, county home. We have made it our own with an eclectic, colorful, joyful feel. It is reflective of who we are as a family.

Our living room

This used to be a dining room, but we found a better use for it. Now we use it for crafts and music and just a general area for play and fun.

This is the stairway from the upstairs, where the bedrooms are to the downstairs 

This is a reading area

Our country kitchen

Our country bathroom. It is simple and small. I love the clawfoot bathtub. I labored in this tub with Orion.

Another angle of our dining room, turned craft/music/play area

Our beautiful porch.  (my favorite space)

Our playroom over Willow Toys workshop. This is also my teaching studio for my childbirth classes.

I hope you enjoyed this peek into our Sparkling Home! We love to hear your feedback and comments.

~Peace & Love, Dayna

Foot Painting!

A fun activity that all of my kids enjoyed when they were young is, foot painting. For paper, we visit our local newspaper printing press and ask them for the ends of their newspaper rolls. They are always happy for us to take them off their hands. They are free to us and I use them for many projects with the kids - this being one of them. Just pour some paint into a bowl or bucket and have fun creating! Kids love the feeling of the paint between their toes and using their feet to create works of art. 

Dabbling in Herbalism

Devin has been studying herbalism and natural medicines for some time now. He has learned a great deal about the plants that grow in our area and the benefits that they have. Before the snow fell this year, he took me for a walk on our property and he showed me what was here and how it could be used. I appreciate Devin's passion for herbalism and his desire to teach others about it. He has made his own tinctures, potions and has put back dried herbs for us to use throughout the winter.

Building Forest Shelters

Devin has been learning a great deal about survival in the wild this week. He has been watching Man vs. Wild and dozens of YouTube videos about building a forest survival shelter. He created this with only a small hand saw, completely by himself. (Orion and Ivy were there to offer a hand at times.) He build this in below freezing temperatures this week.

We are fortunate enough to live on 40 acres of land in which the kids can explore and build on.
As Unschoolers, our children learn from their interests and passions in life. When they are interested in something, it is all they want to be doing - exploring, researching, learning and doing their passion. This is the natural way humans are meant to learn. When we don't mess with the natural processes, amazing things happen! Our children create, grow and learn SO much!

Devin has enjoyed the process of creating this so much. He has learned about setting traps and finding edibles in the forest. He has taught me so much that I never knew. He says he plans on being dropped off in the middle of the Canadian forest someday with only a hand saw for a month. I applaud his enthusiasm.

Touring Down Under

Australia seems to be my second home these days. The friends that I have made are like family. The country is so beautiful and the people are some of the most caring, kind people that I have ever met in my life. I love Australia. This was my third time there and my best professionally. I loved spending time speaking and working individually with families. My schedule was full, and I loved every minute of it! 

I did have some time for fun and play too, as you will see.

Naomi Aldort, Dayna Martin and Robin Grille speaking at the Conscious Parenting and Natural Learning Conference in Australia in August, 2012. 

Me making one of my life dreams come true, holding a koala. Her name was , "Justice." So appropriate for my purpose for being in Australia! 

My gorgeous, relaxing room in Australia

The beach across the street from my motel

I call this photo, "Messin' With Emus"

My main presentation at the conference. It was one of the most powerful and fulfilling talks that I have ever given. I loved every minute of it.

My experience in Australia was incredible. I am so grateful for the opportunities that I had to learn, grow and connect with so many inspirational and loving families.

Peace & Love, Dayna

Revisiting Letterboxing!

Our family has been enjoying the activity of, Letterboxing for years now!

Ivy, Tiff and their friends, Hannah and Molly finding a Letterbox

What is Letterboxing?

Letterboxing is an intriguing mix of treasure hunting, art, navigation, and exploring interesting, scenic, and sometimes remote places. It takes the ancient custom of placing a rock on a cairn upon reaching the summit of a mountain to an artform. It started when a gentleman simply left his calling card in a bottle by a remote pool on the moors of Dartmoor, in England.Here's the basic idea: Someone hides a waterproof box somewhere (in a beautiful, interesting, or remote location) containing at least a logbook and a carved rubber stamp, and perhaps other goodies. The hider then usually writes directions to the box (called "clues" or "the map"), which can be straightforward, cryptic, or any degree in between. Often the clues involve map coordinates or compass bearings from landmarks, but they don't have to. Selecting a location and writing the clues is one aspect of the art.

Once the clues are written, hunters in possession of the clues attempt to find the box. In addition to the clue and any maps or tools needed to solve it, the hunter should carry at least a pencil, his personal rubber stamp, an inkpad, and his personal logbook. When the hunter successfully deciphers the clue and finds the box, he stamps the logbook in the box with his personal stamp, and stamps his personal logbook with the box's stamp. The box's logbook keeps a record of all its visitors, and the hunters keep a record of all the boxes they have found, in their personal logbooks.

Where are the Letterboxes Hidden?

Devin, Tiff, Ivy and Orion with Hannah and Molly finding a letterbox at Cooks Pond, Madison, NH

Virtually all letterboxes are in England, and in particular, in Dartmoor National Park, in Devon, with estimates ranging from 10 to 40 thousand, depending on who you ask. I have heard of boxes in elsewhere in continental Europe, Africa, and Asia, and some in North America that predate the "modern", (or "post-Smithsonian") era of American letterboxing. As for North America in the post-Smithsonian era (Apr '98), there are approximately 5000 boxes scattered about the country, and the number is growing fast. (from the site www.letterboxing.org)

Devin, at age 13 still enjoys Letterboxing! It is an activity that a family with children of different ages can all enjoy together. We look forward to finding all of the Letterboxes in our area! I hope your family can enjoy this fun, free, local activity!

~Peace & Love, Dayna